I've been through the posts... most of them talk about not being able to be intimate, or avoiding sex all together...

I was used and raped by not one, or two but three separate cousins... (two of whom are now married with kids and in the military)... at least 3 times a week from the ages 8-11... The first time my cousin stuck his hand in my pants and started playing with me, I thought it tickled... Then slowly they taught me (sometimes together, sometimes alone..) that I would only be loved if I could sexually please a man...

I'm in a relationship now, and I find myself more and more depressed because he doesn't want sex all the time... sometimes only every other week... I feel like I'm being punished because he doesn't want me all the time. I hurt and want to know what I am doing wrong constantly.

I went to therapy twice, the first time I blurted it all out without detail and bawled for the last half of the session... the second time I just sat there... almost lifeless. I just felt so uncomfortable being in the same room as someone who knew what happened to me and what it turned me into. I stopped going.

I can't figure out what it is that I did, or why I feel this way... What is wrong with me?